Pt 3: Down But Not Out
A tale in 4 parts
I went off the grid in Jan 2020 because my life went upside down on purpose & then upside down again… not on purpose. Here’s a little of what was going on while I was going through.
One of the (few) things I know to be true – our most challenging times are our most growth filled times and this time around is no different.
If you are in an ouch season, remember… this too shall pass and when it does, you will be wiser, stronger, and more resilient than you have ever been before.
PT 3 of 4: ❄️ 🍑 THINGS SNOWBALLED & KNOCKED MY PLANS ON THEIR ASS
Like Charlie Brown style.
This whole thing is ironic because I’m a planner. Literally my job is (was, woah!) to plan things out to a T and then make plan B, plan C, and plan D just in case worse case scenario happened.
I thought moving all by myself had sucked me dry. Unbeknownst to me, my decision to couch surf for January was about to steal that show. I honestly thought it would be fine and fun! Like a “see you later” sleepover tour.
No. No it was not. Having your car packed to the brim for weeks on end is not fun. Getting used to falling asleep in new places every night is not fun. Constantly having to ask for help and worried you’re imposing on the people you love is not fun.
Turns out I have a pride problem and unexpectedly had a super hard time admitting I was technically homeless-ish. Asking for help and letting people see me as weak and without a house and very messy and not put together was so hard for the self sufficient, independent, perfectionist in me. Lots of shame stuff came up. It was simultaneously awful and so fascinating.
I’ve NEVER been one to say “good!” when asked “how are you?” unless I really am GOOD. So my norm became, “Honestly? Beat and shook up.” One of my dear friends from college Alexa (and her husband oh la la!) caught onto the pickle I had gotten myself into and generously insisted on me staying in their guest bedroom. GOD SEND.
And then. I got crazy, stupid sick. 12 days of fever, night sweats, a super stiff neck, debilitating body aches, chills, and the most insane headache of my life. Oh. And my face! My eyes were so swollen that I could barely open them and once I did, didn’t recognize myself (swipe to see). Doctors were baffled and after multiple blood tests and appointments filled with “might be meningitis....” “hospitalization might be wise” and “have you been to a third world country lately?” everyone was still scratching their heads.
Days away from Paris and in the middle of the worst fever yet, I postponed my flight and called my mom sobbing to please come help me because I didn’t know what else to do to help myself.
She checked us into a suite for a week, got me well enough to clean out my desk at work, and then flew me home to Texas to continue to get to the bottom of whatever this was.
I cried. The whole way. (To my other.) Home.